coke, coffee and choirs

There are a lot of emotional, deep topics I've been sorting through and dispersed throughout them I have shared frustrations of all kinds - of course every frustration is met with God's grace - and my thankfulness for His presence is unmatched. 

During this season God has taught me so much already about my heart - but He's also provided a lot of surface level blessings I have failed to share - - but they are blessings from Him, and blessings from Him, of any kind, are to be shared for His glory. So here are a few 'superficial' blessings about living in Haiti…

Sunshine. So much sunshine. A constant loop of Spring & Summer. More sunshine that you could ever want and I love every minute of it. 

Coke in glass bottles, made with sugar cane. 

Homemade peanut butter. and bread. and cinnamon rolls. Pretty much everything is homemade - and delicious. 

Pumpkin soup. Pumpkin bread. Pumpkin is a celebration food in Haiti - I know, I know, they so have the right idea here. 

A dog who loves when I pet her, begs for food and often brings me comfort by sleeping inside my house. 

For lack of a better description, Colin is a handy man. Living in rural Haiti, you need a handy man. 

Lots and lots of coffee. Grown here, cooked here, ground here, consumed here. 

Choirs practicing within ear shot. The Haitian choir is a gift from God. 

The Haitian sense of humor. They'll laugh at just about anything, and everyone is more relaxed when laughing is involved. 

Missionary Flights International. We get mail because these rockstars fly it to us, it's an amazing ministry that helps each of us feel closer to home. 

How often I'm told I'm pretty. I know, this is really and very literally superficial, but seriously, it doesn't hurt the self-esteem that these people treat me like a beauty queen. 

Then there are the things I am endlessly thankful for that so many Haitians don't have: a bed (to myself at that), a mosquito net, blankets, clean water, food (three times a day). 

This unique season of life full of challenges is also full to the brim with blessing beyond blessing - even on the hard days, the sun shines bright, the smiles are plentiful and grace flows. 

Thank you Jesus. 

I'm a "cross culture worker for Jesus"...?

The Very Worst Missionary. 

I came across this blog title the other day- and thought - who stole my life and wrote a blog based on it? I need this material. 

Turns out she - and her husband- have figured out a few things about missions that I'm still learning. They've lived a bit more life than me - I still have to make my way through some of these lessons- I'm thankful for the validation that these feelings are shared though. 

So, yea, I feel like the very worst missionary - and I think being honest about it is best. I think Jesus would want me to be honest. Paul was honest - sometimes he had a rough go of it out on the mission field - and his stuff made it in the Bible - so I think its ok. 

I feel like the very worst missionary. Most days I wonder if I really help anyone at all. I cry (literally) at the sight (or mere thought) of a mouse in my home. I cry all the time. I manage to butcher this beautiful language - yesterday I was singing a Haitian hymn during our weekly prayer meeting and I was definitely not positively contributing to our ministry. I get annoyed with the teenage students who, gasp, act like teenagers when I'm trying to teach. When I am tired - and just need a nap - I do not have a servants heart about manual labor or administrative tasks. I live in a third world country - and still I manage to be bratty enough to whine about first world problems.

How did I get here? The feelings I had about coming to Haiti - they were all true. and real. If I knew on Christmas day I would find a giant tarantula in my dresser, I would have still boarded the plane. If I knew I would face this kind of struggle - -

I'd still be here.

So I keep wondering - where did that go? Knowing the reality of the situation - I would still feel the same -  I would make the same choices - in fact this whole 'turn my life upside down' thing was never really a choice. This was what God told me to do and saying yes wasn't easy - but I knew deep down there was no other choice. 

So where did that yes feeling go? Did I cry it out? Did I use it all up during the fundraising process? Did the mice take it away? It must have been the mice. 

Truthfully, I don't know where it went. I don't know why I don't wake up everyday smiling, ready to bask in the Caribbean sunshine and complete any and every task God lays in front of me. Instead, I crawl out of bed, head immediately for the coffee and grasp for inspiration from Scripture. Some days I get it, for a minute - and then I have to translate what my cook is saying to me and frustration wins the battle. 

So, what do I do about this? I have to do something - I'm telling my supporters that I think I'm a bad missionary. It's not good for business - assuming anyone is still reading this instead of calling up everyone I know and telling them I need to leave Haiti (I hope no one is doing that.) So, I've decided to drop the whole missionary thing all together - the word - not my life here. I never liked the term - I hated it. It felt like people put me on a pedestal or thought I put myself on one - I slyly avoided the term "missionary" when talking about my cross-cultural move. I think sometime during my training at MTI I embraced the term. It didn't have any connotations with my new friends - it was what God called us to do. I was around really cool people who were being obedient - and they were missionaries and it was fine. So I embraced the term - I took on the job - and then I got on the actual mission field and it feels like as a "missionary" this is my mission field - and somehow the overwhelming needs became to big of a responsibility. What I'm grasping for here is the difference between "Christian" and "Christ follower". I am a Christ follower. I follow the example of Christ, loving people - giving grace. It's the way I live my life - not my job. I do not want to be defined as a "christian" - most of you don't either, "christians" get a bad rep. 

People act different around "christians" - and around missionaries. People tiptoe around "missionaries" - and say "wow" a lot. Feel free to keep using the term "missionary", just understand that it carries as much connotation as "christian" - "preacher" - or "only child". On a bad day, I'm called 3 out of 4 of those. 

God has called me to live my life - a life that follows Christ - here, in central Haiti. That's it. Live life as a Christ follower in central Haiti - that's the only job description I've received from Him. That feels a lot easier than "make a difference". 

This is do-able. 

God took my life and plopped me in the poorest country in the World - the things I'm best at - are not what He has called me to do. There are a lot of skills needed in this country - I'm not sure I have any of them. Some…'cross culture workers for Jesus' are lucky enough to be called to use very specific skills on the field, which is awesome - some of us, are called to less specific jobs - but we're all called to  love.

So, the way I see it - I will take this life God has given me and I will live it in love. I will not love the mouse or the lizards who inhabit my home - but I will love that my cook Madame Da just thinks they're funny. I will not love the process of language learning - but I will love my amazing tutor who tells me I have great Creole, with a straight face. I will not love the pain and suffering I see all around - but I will love the little victories that this amazing ministry provides for people - even when what my eyes see as victory seems few and far between - I will love the victory. I will not love the animal who kept me up half the night trying to get into my house, but I will love…ok, I got nothing. I will not love the classically bad teenager attitude - but I will love that there are teenagers here who beat the curve and smile all the time (no really, boys who I think smile in their sleep - and I love them). I will not love the loss of convenience but I will love the ability to problem solve in a whole new way. I love the lesson of learning to let go of stuff. 

I will live my life as a follower of Christ. 

It is not glamorous - and it won't feel like I have a lot to report on - but if love is being spread, as followers of Christ, we have to call that a win. If I leave this place and just one person feels more loved than when I arrived - I consider it a victory. I hope God uses my time here to spread so much love - I hope to make a big difference - but God is in the business of personal relationships - and pursing those will make me a very good missionary - or cross cultural worker for Jesus. 

details

I am lucky enough to live in a beautiful, green and lush pocket of this island. Despite all the scenery around me though, sometimes I find myself getting lost in the little details of my new home.

January Newsletter

Happy New Year!! I hope everyone has had a great start to 2013! It was about a year ago when I wrote my first support letter for long term service in Haiti - now I've been in Haiti for over a month and am looking forward to many more. 

Adjusting to life in Haiti has taken time, but I feel more at home each day. The holidays made for an unusual schedule, but the slower pace allowed me to acclimate in my own time. Currently, I spend a lot of time working on learning Creole. I study on my own, work with a Haitian tutor and work with the Wilson's daughters to improve my language skills. I can understand far more than I can manage to say most of the time. I am so thankful for my very patient tutor, Phanette, who is improving my Creole tremendously. 

It didn't take long to settle into my house. The living room and spare room still need to be painted, so I'm living in the back half of the house - but I have more than enough space. I become more comfortable here every day. I've also opened up a bank account and received my first piece of mail and first package through MFI. God continues to help me feel settled in small and big ways. 

Right after the new year HAFF hosted a team of high school and college students from Ada, Michigan, led by a former board president. I was thankful to have people to speak English with - but I was also encouraged by their willingness to serve. It was a busy week, jam packed with activities , many of which were new to me. Their visit was exhausting but so rewarding for the American and Haitian staff here. They kept a detailed blog of their trip here. 

The new school term started for our students last week and I began visiting classes. Instead of jumping into teaching right away, I took some time to sit in and observe our different courses and teachers. It is a great chance to work on my Creole and to get to know the way a Haitian high school functions. School in Haiti is so different from any classroom in America. This week, I began working with our Haitian teacher in some of the English classes. I knew a few of these students prior to teaching and I am excited that I have already formed some relationships with them. I am also spending time brainstorming ways HAFF can further invest in the lives of our high school students. We are in the beginning stages of working on an after school program. It is my prayer that this program would flourish and give our students joy, value and hopefully improve their performance in school. 

I am also working on social media for HAFF. I am beginning to craft and write blog posts in partnership with Connie, our stateside co-coordinator. Soon I'll have our Facebook page updated as well as a new Twitter page. We hope incorporating more social media into HAFF will allow our supporters and visitors to stay more connected to our work here. Part of this work for me is taking lots of photos, something I love to do. I love the opportunity to capture what is happening here in Central Haiti. The chance to show and tell peoples stories of this beautiful country is a privilege. I am so excited to help bridge the gap between people who pray and support Haiti and Haitians themselves. Stay tuned here and to the HAFF blog - and check your mail boxes for the latests addition of HAFF Happenings soon!

As you can tell, I am keeping busy - and will continue to do so in the coming months. I look forward to updating you on everything happening here in Haiti.
Thank you for your continued support. You are each a part of my journey, you helped to get me here and you are so special to me. Thank you for being a part of what God is doing in Haiti!

All my Love,
April

Prayer Requests:

For me:

- I would learn Creole at a rapid speed
- I would begin to see how I can best fit into teaching English - and working with our high schoolers
- The Lord would open up ways for me to serve the young children in our community
- My adjustment of being away from family and friends - as well as their adjustment

For HAFF:
- HAFF would see a growth in partners and financial supporters this year
- Wisdom and boldness for the HAFF Executive Committee as they make ministry decisions
- God would continue to provide for each ministry need