tearful goodbyes

Seventeen prayer cards laid on my bed, accompanied by a box of tissues, mostly used. 

Through the window, in front of the view of the Rockies the MTI vans pulled back in, empty. The parking lot and rooms were empty too. 

I wept and wept and wept. For two hours I said hard, healthy goodbyes as new friends trickled out. I sent pieces of my heart to the Middle East, Africa, South America, Eastern Europe and beyond. A small group of us are still at MTI, staying two more weeks for language acquisition. We waved and waved until a skeleton of us remained. 

My heart felt ripped in two, my chest ached. People I have known for three weeks and I hurt so deeply. How did this happen? How did these strangers become best friends? I suppose it happened somewhere between a hostage simulation and late night card games. Or while we grieved the things God called us to leave, and we laid down the dreams we thought we had, to go out to the Nations. It happened in honesty and venerability. Maybe the moment it happened is when I realized that for the first time in my life, I was completely understood. Everything about my heart started to make sense here. Loneliness I felt for months faded and walls I built crashed down. God broke me down and is putting me back together with His love, with their love. 

I have learned so many practical lessons. How to exit my home culture and enter my new culture. How my lifestyle choices effect people on both sides of the bridge. We addressed conflict styles and how we deal with stress. We had lesson after lesson on how to handle the chaos that accompanies the missionary life, because the average person living cross-culturally experiences 2-5 times the amount of stress of an inner city police officer - and we must navigate in our new homes with Christ-like grace. God prepared all of these important lessons and more - but they are not the lessons that had the deepest impact. 

It's the people that had the deepest impact. There are not accurate words to describe my three weeks of SPLICE, I wish there were. I know there is something to feeling understood that changes a person. I know I feel Gods faithfulness in a new way. I feel like I have more love to give. I do not know how this all happened, it does not make sense to me. I am so thankful though. My heart continues to ache, it's all over the country, soon to be all over the World. 

So now, my goodbyes take on a new face. My family and my friends at home, my sweet support system is not all I leave. I leave everyone at home, and now I leave a new kind of family too. My grieving grows but oh my love grows so much more. This is a new love that my heart will take to Haiti. I will take this indescribable thing that God has done in my life and I will share it, because this kind of love must be shared. 

 

wow

We navigated switchback after switchback, void of guardrails, ascending above the timberline of green and yellow aspens. I tried to pray. I tried to thank God for such a glory filled sabbath. I tried to bask in each moment, breathing in the blessings. I actually thought we might drive up into heaven.

14,110 feet up, we did not drive into heaven. Instead we drove up into joy, snow, hot chocolate and adventure.  At the top of Pikes Peak, I thought I would find an otherwise unreachable intimacy with God. I could not find the words though, I had no epic prayer. I couldn't focus as I looked down on other mountain tops, on roads barely visible. All I could muster was "wow." 

All I felt was my smallness. 

What a gift. The simple, but overwhelming joy of feeling small and saying "wow." God requires nothing else from us in these moments, just to see how big He is and what He can do.

In the midst of a season of learning, preparing and becoming tethered to God, He simply taught me to say "wow." My joy in Him is not complicated, it is simple and still overwhelming - leaving me more satisfied than I thought possible. 

Simple. Overwhelming. Joy. 

September Update

Friends and family,

I am so grateful that as I write to you, I am one step closer to being in Haiti! I can hardly believe it is already mid September and I am at training in Colorado. My time at Mission Training International (MTI) has begun and I am so incredibly thankful to be here. So much of my heart is tied to Haiti but I know at this moment that I am exactly where God wants me. 

Here at MTI we spend our days mostly in community developing our hearts and minds for the mission field. We have spent time on some tangible skills, like handling conflict and learning how to avoid potential burnout. We have also spent time in prayer, asking the Lord to continue to grow us, stretch us and make us more like Him. 

Thank you so much for covering my journey in prayer. I can feel the hand of the Lord on each day. I ask for your continued prayer as I seek God's guidance both now and post-MTI. I am still hoping to leave for Haiti in early November. I am praising the Lord that my one time needs are covered! My monthly needs of $1,800 are about half way covered with $780 committed per month. Each commitment makes a huge difference. I am so encouraged by my brothers and sisters here at MTI who have seen the body of Christ rise up in amazing ways to meet the needs of the Kingdom. I would love for you to continue to meet me in prayer as I support raise. Currently the need for monthly supporters is greatest and I am so grateful to have all of you joining me in prayer as God fulfills His plan for my life. 

The desperate need for Christ will, of course, continue when I am on the field. I ask that before I arrive you pray for the relationships on our team. It is vital that the Wilson's, Connie, and I grow strong and loving relationships, as well as strong relationships with the Haitian staff. John 13:35 states, "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." I pray that we love one another above else. In addition, the school year has started in Haiti, which will inevitably present a challenge in teaching. The school at HAFF and all the other tasks to complete might feel overwhelming when I arrive, but I pray my foundation in Christ will allow to work through Him and lean on Him in each and every task. 

I also ask for prayer during my time at MTI, prayers that my heart would remain open as I allow God to prepare me for the mission field in Haiti. Being venerable and allowing God to prune you can feel painful, but it is so worth it. 

If you would like to become part of my support team, one time donations can be made here, where you will see my name listed. A monthly commitment can also be made online at the above website. In addition, donations by check can be made to HAFF and marked “April Lambiotte Support”
HAFF
P.O. Box 3421
North Ft. Myers, FL 33918
HAFF is 501(c) (3) nonprofit organization and gifts of support are tax deductible.
I will continue to update my blog here and you can also check the HAFF blog at: haffdetails.blogspot.com.

I am consistently amazed at the grace God has shown in my life, and I hope that you see it in your life too. We are all part of a body with a unique role for the Kingdom. I pray that in whatever He has called you to, you have confidence in Christ, who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. 

God Bless,
April

Ants in the Sugar Bowl

ANTS IN THE SUGAR BOWL
By Elizabeth Givens
So send I you
To ants in the sugar bowl,

To things that fly, creep and crawl into the house,
To uncertain water, sporadic electricity.
To long hours, sweltering heat, exhausting days,
To uncomfortable vehicles, crowded jeeps, smelly buses. To noisy early, early mornings,
To rice, rice and more rice.
To poverty you didn’t believe existed,
To masses of people like you have never seen,
To know and work with people who have never known comfort,
So send I you, and I expect you to adjust.

So send I you
To people who will give to you from their poverty,
To friends who will embarrass you with their generosity,
To pastors who will entertain you from their lack, with beauty.
To hungry, receptive, questioning people who want to know God, To study, to teach, to learn from your study and teaching,
To prove your own motives, values and beliefs,
To learn about yourself and the culture that has reared you,
To know God and to understand more deeply dependence on Him,
So send I you.
Are you going? I’ll go with you all the way.