the stacks

(Photo via)

I'm here. I survived the half marathon. However, I'm currently immersed in educational and child development theories. After my teaching test Saturday afternoon I'll write a proper post.
Until then, it's back to the books.
xo

Spring has Sprung

Photo Courtesy of VintageStitch

It's here. Spring. Warmth. Sunshine. Spring will officially be sprung on March 20th. Today's high temperature in our sweet southern city is 80 degrees though, so I'm calling it.

It's time friends. For porch swings and sweet tea. Peaches and raspberries. Picnics. Lightning bugs in mason jars. Beach trips. Dinner on the porch. Sundresses, sandals, and sunglasses. Fresh flowers.

I'll be ringing in Spring two ways this weekend. First on Saturday with a wedding. Love is in the air after all. Second on Sunday, with a half marathon.

13.1 miles...

You've met your match.

xo,

April

so you think you wanna ______?

I knew this would happen. Knew it.
That aside, it's still kind of blindsiding me.

Tell people you're thinking you want to do long term mission work. They'll mostly tell you that maybe you don't.
It's never mean. It's usually indirect.
These are smart (Godly) people. They know better than you. They are trying to help.
After similar conversations with several smart people though, it wears you down.

The hoops you have to jump through are unbelievable.
I am exhausted already. And I just started.
I'm not even going yet. There is nowhere to go. Nothing to do (unbelievable).

Which brings up my next subject.
Being asked what you want to do in this ravaged 3rd World country.
What can you offer? What do you see yourself doing in Haiti?

Well heck if I know.
I want to HELP.
Let me tell you the skills I have then you (who are smarter than I) can help me figure out where to go.
That's they way I would do it.
It's not the way they do it.

I get it. It's the process. It's self discovery. It's a journey God has put me on.
He never said it would be easy.
So it's hard.
and at this moment I am fed up.
I'll get over it.
I still trust the people who are smarter than I am. I am grateful for each one of them in my life. This wild goose chase has led me to great places...albeit difficult places.
It's one email after another.
Nice emails. Nice people.
God is moving.
This is new though. I've never felt God move like this. It's so different.

All that matters right now though is that God is moving.
I'm going to move with Him.
Even when I have to be pushed.

I'm learning.
Specifically, I am learning how to let myself be loved.
How to be valued by another person.

I love others deeply. I value other people with everything in me. I love community.

I don't see value in myself. This essentially means that I don't see value in God's creation.

I have taken for granted the people who genuinely value having me in their life. I'm having a hard time believing that statement is true.

I didn't realize until recently that this is a serious struggle for me. A couple specific situations opened my eyes to how I see myself.

I see myself as a tool to be used. I like it this way. I like getting things done.
I don't view myself as an asset.

God doesn't create tools. He can do this job on His own. He creates souls who are assets to His kingdom. He shapes us and puts value in us.

I am valuable.
People want to love me.

You are valuable.
People want to love you.

It's a hard pill to swallow.
It feels weird {even egotistical}.
I'm working on it.
Maybe we all should.

Let people LOVE you.