Friday, February 8, 2013

back on my feet

Yesterday, I ran. It was a good - sweaty - dirty - I probably got dehydrated run (sorry mom). I've been itching to run, to clear my mind, to sweat out all the worries. While I live in rural Haiti, running down national route three isn't exactly…recommended. But I live on a 40 acre gated campus, surely there's a path somewhere, right? Well, two days ago I went searching for one and didn't find anything I thought would suite me. Everything was too short, too jagged or just pure woods with no paths - - and I was afraid to explore too far. Yesterday though I found myself in a mood where only a good run would do the trick. So I persevered and kept looking, I mustered up the courage to make a few new twists and turns, going beyond what I thought might be safe. That's when I found it. My perfect running path. It's narrow and I have to dodge rocks and cactus, there are hills, but it is perfect. I found the very edge of our campus and ran along the gate - a few times I was fairly certain I had crossed a boundary and was somehow out of the safe confines of HAFF, I kept going though. I didn't want to turn around. The path ahead was unknown, sure, but it was adventurous, and anyway, I knew somewhere deep inside that no matter where I ended up, it would be fine. Honestly, I didn't care where I ended up I just knew I had to keep going. It was beautiful and quiet and so very peaceful. Sure enough though, after some huffing and puffing I ended up back in a familiar spot…and then I did it again - - with more assurance (and speed) the second time around. Each song on my ipod was more perfect than the last and each view at the top of a hill reminded me why I feel in love with this country.

This path isn't 100% safe (again, sorry mom - the guards do walk it twice a shift though, so if I trip or collapse out there I will be found). Not safe, but good. There are still unknowns along the way, turns and twists I can still take if I'm brave enough. 

Out there, in complete solitary peace God revealed to me that my new running path is just like life right now. I cannot turn around. There is no point in going back and surely no reward. The way ahead is unknown, I am scared and I have no idea where I am going. Everything keeps moving though, weather I am walking or running - - and sometimes the moving is found in stopping, in waiting, in taking in the views. 

I know each afternoon, I'll put on my running shoes and set out on my new running path, welcoming whatever comes my way. And I know each morning, I need to get dressed and face the road ahead - - embrace the journey - - and know God will make sure I ned up exactly where I am supposed to.  

This place is trying to break my belief 
But my faith is bigger than all I can see 
What I need is redemption 
What I need is for You for to put me back on my feet

I swear I'm trying to give everything 
But I feel I'm falling, oh make me believe 
What I need is resurrection 
What I need is for You to put me back on my feet

I lift the knife to the thing I love most 
Praying You'll come so I can have both 
What I need is for You to touch me 
What I need is for You to be the thing that I need 

If I could feel You shine your perpetual light 
Then maybe I could crawl out of this tonight 
If I could feel You feel You shine 
Oh let me feel You shine 
So beautiful and warm 
So beautiful and bright 
Like a sun comin' out of a rainy sky 
Oh let me feel You shine 

God I need a Savior 
Oh come Generous King 
Oh God I need a Savior 
To come rescue me 

Oh let me feel You shine Your magnificent light 

Let me feel You shine 
-David Crowder

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