Wednesday, March 30, 2011

green light

One of those smart people I mentioned in this post, sent me a link to another blog...
and it all started making sense.
This post did the trick.

I find myself in the midst of a quarter life crisis. I have no idea what I am supposed to do with my life.

What about Haiti...?
This is a question I'm asking myself and the Lord everyday.
Where's my plane ticket?
Send me.
Then I realized...
I don't have that green light.
I certainly have the CALL. God has clearly called me to Haiti. I am going.
I'm not going now. I might be going in a year. I might be going in 8 years.
The Lord knows I want to go NOW but I'm not ready.
I hate to admit it but it's true. There is some work I have to do.

Part of the reason I can't tell people what I see myself doing in Haiti is because I don't know what I see myself doing in America. God will show me. He'll mold me like clay. I'll become the woman He's made me to be. To be that woman, I have a lot to work on. I need to love unconditionally and let myself be loved deeper. I need to depend on the Lord fully. I need to be on my knees more. I need to trust. I need to confess. I need to learn. I need to serve selflessly.

What does this mean?
I'm going to do all of the things I've been doing since January. Taking the classes I should, reading helpful books, looking for a sending organization, talking to smart people. I don't know when the yellow light will turn green...but I'll be ready.

“God gives us a vision, and then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of that vision. God has to take us into the valley and put us through fires and floods to batter us into shape, until we get to the point where He can trust us with the reality of the vision. Ever since God gave us the vision, He has been at work. He is getting us into the shape of the goal He has for us, and yet over and over again we try to escape from the Sculptor’s hand in an effort to batter ourselves into the shape of our own goal. Then as surely as God is God, and you are you, you will turn out as an exact likeness of the vision. But don’t lose heart in the process. If you have ever had a vision from God, you may try as you will to be satisfied on a lower level, but God will never allow it.”
Oswald Chambers

Sunday, March 27, 2011

13.1 miles later...

Happy Sunday friends! What a week it was.
I got real stressed mid week. I took a day off to get life in order. Best decision I've made in ages.
But, let's go back to last weekend.

This sweet friend got married. My walk with Christ and my Samford experience wouldn't have been the same without her. More of a blessing than she'll ever know. Plus, who doesn't love a father-daughter line dance?!

After carb loading at the Snyder-Fowler wedding, I woke up at 4am on Sunday to go for a run.
A 13.1 mile run.
Loved it (really, I did). There is something to be said for adrenaline. and runners high.
When's the next race?

Such an accomplishment that I couldn't have done without the support of so many sweet friends! Thank you!!!

It's one more work week and then spring break for me. I'm packing my bags and headin' to Dallas, Texas. My cowboy boots are ready and waiting!


Thursday, March 24, 2011

the stacks

(Photo via)

I'm here. I survived the half marathon. However, I'm currently immersed in educational and child development theories. After my teaching test Saturday afternoon I'll write a proper post.
Until then, it's back to the books.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Spring has Sprung

Photo Courtesy of VintageStitch

It's here. Spring. Warmth. Sunshine. Spring will officially be sprung on March 20th. Today's high temperature in our sweet southern city is 80 degrees though, so I'm calling it.

It's time friends. For porch swings and sweet tea. Peaches and raspberries. Picnics. Lightning bugs in mason jars. Beach trips. Dinner on the porch. Sundresses, sandals, and sunglasses. Fresh flowers.

I'll be ringing in Spring two ways this weekend. First on Saturday with a wedding. Love is in the air after all. Second on Sunday, with a half marathon.

13.1 miles...

You've met your match.



Wednesday, March 16, 2011

so you think you wanna ______?

I knew this would happen. Knew it.
That aside, it's still kind of blindsiding me.

Tell people you're thinking you want to do long term mission work. They'll mostly tell you that maybe you don't.
It's never mean. It's usually indirect.
These are smart (Godly) people. They know better than you. They are trying to help.
After similar conversations with several smart people though, it wears you down.

The hoops you have to jump through are unbelievable.
I am exhausted already. And I just started.
I'm not even going yet. There is nowhere to go. Nothing to do (unbelievable).

Which brings up my next subject.
Being asked what you want to do in this ravaged 3rd World country.
What can you offer? What do you see yourself doing in Haiti?

Well heck if I know.
I want to HELP.
Let me tell you the skills I have then you (who are smarter than I) can help me figure out where to go.
That's they way I would do it.
It's not the way they do it.

I get it. It's the process. It's self discovery. It's a journey God has put me on.
He never said it would be easy.
So it's hard.
and at this moment I am fed up.
I'll get over it.
I still trust the people who are smarter than I am. I am grateful for each one of them in my life. This wild goose chase has led me to great places...albeit difficult places.
It's one email after another.
Nice emails. Nice people.
God is moving.
This is new though. I've never felt God move like this. It's so different.

All that matters right now though is that God is moving.
I'm going to move with Him.
Even when I have to be pushed.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I'm learning.
Specifically, I am learning how to let myself be loved.
How to be valued by another person.

I love others deeply. I value other people with everything in me. I love community.

I don't see value in myself. This essentially means that I don't see value in God's creation.

I have taken for granted the people who genuinely value having me in their life. I'm having a hard time believing that statement is true.

I didn't realize until recently that this is a serious struggle for me. A couple specific situations opened my eyes to how I see myself.

I see myself as a tool to be used. I like it this way. I like getting things done.
I don't view myself as an asset.

God doesn't create tools. He can do this job on His own. He creates souls who are assets to His kingdom. He shapes us and puts value in us.

I am valuable.
People want to love me.

You are valuable.
People want to love you.

It's a hard pill to swallow.
It feels weird {even egotistical}.
I'm working on it.
Maybe we all should.

Let people LOVE you.