Sunday, March 25, 2012

deye mon gen mon

'Behind mountains there are more mountains.'

I just finished reading the story of Dr. Paul Farmer - a brilliant doctor deeply invested in the Central Plateau of Haiti. This book gave me insight to my future home. It made my heart beat faster for Haiti. It saddened me. It energized me. Paul Farmer loves Haiti - the words to describe his love for Haiti sound as if they could pour right from my own heart. There are so many lessons to hold onto from Dr. Farmers journey but towards the end I found a global lesson. What the author discovers is that with time Farmer learns to transmit his anger over the deep poverty of the third world into a dream of ending the disparities. 
We can be angry. We can feel a justifiable anger. We cannot just be angry. We must transmit that anger into action and we must continue to do so until the very end. Because 'deye mon gen mon'.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

i am thankful

I am thankful for a God who loves me when I don't love enough. I am thankful to be loved even when the worst of me tries to see otherwise. I am thankful for the body of Christ.

Most of all I find myself in awe that despite all my doubting, all my wondering, all my confusion God is answering prayers. He is showing up. He is showing me that it is truly His story and I am just telling it.

Monday, March 5, 2012


I keep coming back to love. That is the only thing that matters. I will not fail (at home or in Haiti) if I am giving love. I am certainly a loving person. I give everything I have to all my relationships. I make sure people feel loved and cared about - to the point that it feels like a flaw. When I invest, I invest

I have discovered something though- despite my natural inclination to love so deeply, I think I have failed at loving. I am picking and choosing. I am backing away from loving others because it has gotten me hurt lately. I was reading through Ruth this weekend and was again amazed by her selfless and obedient love. I said "Lord make me more like Ruth," and there God was, answering my prayer. He didn't heal the hurt in my heart at that moment, he didn't bring some new relationship in my life- He put before me ways to love. There are people in my life whom I claim to love endlessly- but I was grumbling though our friendship. That is not love. I can choose to love them no matter what, even when it is hard for me. It is still love, the beautiful kind of love that produces joy.

God did give me new people to love too. I am in the midst of a season of changes and there are new brothers and sisters in Christ in front of me. I need to love them. With abandon. Even if it feels awkward - even when I am unsure about these friendships. It is never my job to determine who needs love. It's shameful that I ever think that. Everyone needs love and Jesus has given me more than enough!

When my feet finally hit Haitian soil again, the kind of love I am going to have to pour out will be like nothing I have ever known. Sometimes giving the love of Jesus will come so easy as I see the desperate conditions. Sometimes, giving His love will be hard. It will be awkward. It might result in hurt - but His joy is bigger and His command to love is above all else.

If I want to love the way Jesus does when I am in Haiti then I also have to love that way at home. 
 He has not called us to unconditional love He has commanded it.  

But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” 
Ruth 1:16-17

Thursday, March 1, 2012


"I wouldn't change it for the world."

I said this a couple days ago and thought, wait. Would I?
If given the opportunity, would I change my journey to Haiti?
Absolutely not. 

I would change a few other things in my world, but not Haiti. I began thinking about all of the things that I could be doing instead of moving to a third world country. What if I got married out of college? What if I was ready for kids now? What if I was in a dream job? If any of those things were in play, the decision to move to Haiti would be entirely different. If called to Haiti in any of those situations, would I have gone? I am still fully confident that no matter what, the Lord would have put me exactly where He intended.

In all those questions though, I found grace. His perfect grace. God made this decision easy for me really. I don't have a relationship to fret over. I'm not walking away from a job that I absolutely love. Don't get me wrong, I love the life that God has given me. Leaving life here is still hard. I went through a season of agony when the Lord called me to Haiti. I fought Him. But, oh how much more I would have fought if I had anything else to hold onto.In His perfect plan he knew my tender heart well enough to give me just enough. I feel the small sacrifice, but know the gain of following Jesus is so much sweeter. 

I have also found excitement. My surrender is not the end. I have said "yes, Lord", I am all in. He knows it. I know it. Now, in surrender, the possibilities are endless. 

Haiti is where God has carried me. He knew just what to do to get me here and each step from here out, will continue to be perfectly orchestrated by our gracious Father. I wouldn't change it for the world.