Monday, June 18, 2012

wallowing

I write about missing Haiti a lot, but it is because most days I cannot escape the heartbreak. I only want my feet on Haitian soil. Some days are harder than others, and some days, like Haiti, are a beautiful juxtapositions of joy and heartbreak. I am joyful because I have precious servant friends serving God in my home. I am heartbroken because they are there and I simply am not. This feeling is different from envy, it is much deeper, but it is impatience. My impatience is unfair to God, who has a perfect plan. He is gracious though, and He will let me rest in it anyway. Sometimes, God just allows us to wallow in a pint of ice cream while He holds our hand. I believe, He lets me thirst to be in Haiti so deeply because this keeps the fire lit, this keeps me going when the stress of picking up and moving to a third world country feels unbearable. The to-do list is growing but my desire grows faster. I pray for my friends, I shed a few tears and I work on my to-do list because His ways are perfect and there is a race to run.

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