Wednesday, March 30, 2011

green light

One of those smart people I mentioned in this post, sent me a link to another blog...
and it all started making sense.
This post did the trick.

I find myself in the midst of a quarter life crisis. I have no idea what I am supposed to do with my life.

What about Haiti...?
This is a question I'm asking myself and the Lord everyday.
Where's my plane ticket?
Send me.
Then I realized...
I don't have that green light.
I certainly have the CALL. God has clearly called me to Haiti. I am going.
I'm not going now. I might be going in a year. I might be going in 8 years.
The Lord knows I want to go NOW but I'm not ready.
I hate to admit it but it's true. There is some work I have to do.

Part of the reason I can't tell people what I see myself doing in Haiti is because I don't know what I see myself doing in America. God will show me. He'll mold me like clay. I'll become the woman He's made me to be. To be that woman, I have a lot to work on. I need to love unconditionally and let myself be loved deeper. I need to depend on the Lord fully. I need to be on my knees more. I need to trust. I need to confess. I need to learn. I need to serve selflessly.

What does this mean?
I'm going to do all of the things I've been doing since January. Taking the classes I should, reading helpful books, looking for a sending organization, talking to smart people. I don't know when the yellow light will turn green...but I'll be ready.

“God gives us a vision, and then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of that vision. God has to take us into the valley and put us through fires and floods to batter us into shape, until we get to the point where He can trust us with the reality of the vision. Ever since God gave us the vision, He has been at work. He is getting us into the shape of the goal He has for us, and yet over and over again we try to escape from the Sculptor’s hand in an effort to batter ourselves into the shape of our own goal. Then as surely as God is God, and you are you, you will turn out as an exact likeness of the vision. But don’t lose heart in the process. If you have ever had a vision from God, you may try as you will to be satisfied on a lower level, but God will never allow it.”
Oswald Chambers

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